Previously Love with Tila Tequila: 15 lesbians and 15 straight men moved in and 12 were immediately sent home. Serenity and Lili hugged and evil Tila Tequila sent them packing. Jay and Bo continued the long-standing (and imagined) rivalry between Ohio and New Jersey. Chad and its wang bone were awesome.
The last 18 arrive at the mansion in limousines, pink and blue, no. Chad is more excited about moving in to Tila than moving into the house, if you understand what he means. Michelle wants to bite Tila’s sexy Asian ass. They see the big bed and Brittany promises to castrate all of the male genitals in her face. Chad brought an inflatable doll.
They notice the bar and everyone gets drunk immediately. Guys start asking lesbians questions like they’re a different species. Tila arrives and takes everyone to her casino. While everyone is playing, Tila takes people aside for a tête-à-tête. She talks to Lisa, but Kyle scares her at her. Kyle rushes over and tries to steal Tila’s time. Next up is Sirbrina, and Tila kisses with her and they fake sex, prompting the creepy Kyle to interrupt again. Man, she just isn’t that in love with you.
The evening ends with a game of Strip Craps, in which the daters roll the dice and remove the garment it lands on. The last man and the last woman with clothes win. Chad is smart enough to realize that this is just an excuse to lay everyone bare, which he fully approves. Lisa has boxers, Kristy has a huge ass and Sirbrina has a thong. Kristy and George eventually win, so they join Tila at a private club. George loves everything about Tila, although when in a hurry he cites his small size because he’s not that tall. The ladies laugh at the simple stupid straight guy. Kristy loves education and emotions.
The other daters enter the club. Samantha has incredible sounding dancing skills, and Bo instantly recognizes these moves as the work of a pro, essentially admitting he has a strip club addiction. Everyone shouts loudly and the police arrive. The neighbors have complained about the noise, and Jay isn’t too happy, shouting “F *** the po-po!” Tila tries to flirt with the cop, but he doesn’t and gives him a ticket. They leave and Tila rips up the ticket.
Tila goes to bed, but the daters are celebrating. Bo tries to flirt with Kristy, but a pillow fight ends horribly when he hits her with all his might. He wears red underpants, which automatically puts him in the wrong. They all go to bed and Chad plays “Taps”. With his buttocks. Now I know this man’s crush is a problem, because I even think it’s awesome.
The next morning it’s hangover town. Samantha covers herself in glitter. Christian wakes up with dog hair because in Venezuela it is customary to be drunk all the time. They receive their first message in a bottle that directs them to the kitchen redesigned as a hangover recovery area. There is an oxygen bar, but George is sad because it is his deceased mother’s birthday.
Chad and Jay start a food fight by throwing eggs. The ladies decide to clean up the mess for Tila’s sake. Somehow, Samantha and Scotty get into a screaming match. He pours a protein shake over her head, so she turns around and starts bombarding him with juice. He tries to apologize, but she doesn’t hear him.
Tila invites everyone outside for “Bi My Love”. A guy and a girl take turns entering a windbox with play money. The guys grab the blue dollars, the women grab the pink money, and the top three winners get a date. Lisa pushes Kyle. Lauryn and Dominic are dancing and having fun. Chad wishes there were real “Benjis” in there. Michelle slaps Ryan. Kristy uses her booty to get Jay out. The winners are V, Fame and Brittany. George only gets five dollars, and Tila says she can’t even do her shopping at the dollar store with that. Uh, yes you could, actually you could buy five things (well four things because of the tax).
The winning women go to the hot tub and have their best Tila impressions for a while alone. Brittany’s impression involves freezing her nipples, so she wins the prize: kissing Tila. Fame interrupts and starts singing, but Tila goes all over Simon Cowell on this horrible performance.
George then sits down with Tila and tells her about her mother. As someone whose own mother died over 10 years ago, I have a right to say that he is either acting or he is very emotionally immature, because even though the deceased mother’s birthday does badly the first years, you get used to it. You’re never done, but you’re used to it.
A blow to love 2 Elimination time! Unfortunately, she only sends two people home. At this rate, it’s gone for a long season. Chad gets a key, which is all I really care about. It comes down to Fame and Lisa for the ladies and Kyle and Christian for the men. The fame is sent home because it’s not American Idol. Drunk Christian is also sent home.
Next week on A blow to love 2: The ladies take a sex education class that involves spanking. The second annual Drawn on love Biathlon takes place, and donkeys are threatened by the insertion of shoes.
-John Kubicek, Principal Writer of BuddyTV
(Image courtesy MTV)